Blather on Bicycling

And one other Brian that I forgot to mention in my post on Brians: Brian of Brian’s Pro Bike Shop. I learned the sad news today that he passed last night. I remember climbing into the back of his van to fetch a wheel in Idaho last spring. Slowest wheel change ever. Then, he proceeded to throttle me in his big white van and my race was over. He was a nice character to have at races. R.I.P. Brian.

I continue here with Part 2 of my series of sarcasm. In Part 1, I talked about the value of excuses. Now I feature some recommendations for ensuring your dominance in the cycling community.

The first I’ll share is the ego-boosting technique of talking big. Actually, talking big does more than just boost your ego, it skyrockets your social stock. The important prerequisite for big talk is to make sure you know the size of the water before you open your mouth. When in a small pond, with the smaller fish, unleash confident and bully-like speech. Feel free to back it up with a little throw down on some rides, but only if you know it is a school of smaller fish. Common techniques to assert your dominion include tall tales, talking down others’ accomplishments, spouting unfounded tech or training knowledge, and needlessly using lots of curse words in your speech.

But, when you come up against alpha dog you roll over with legs splayed. You know your order in the social stratification, so you must cower to their authority. However, make sure the smaller dogs don’t see you on your back. You can resume your bigness when you’re back amongst the smaller fish. Feel free to even talk the big dog down when they’re not around. Above all, never question them to their face. This is a very difficult juggling act, but it can be done. Read more