This summer I forgot to cut my hair for a long time. Before I knew it, it had gone from #1-4-buzz-fade to shaggy. There comes a time that you pass the point of no hairstyle return. With winter fast approaching, I decided the extra hair would be useful for riding. Coincidentally, it has.
However, the problem is that I don’t like hair touching my ears. Hence, the utility of the mullet. I asked my wife to just buzz some off the sides. Unfortunately, I don’t have balls like my neighbors in Helgin. Starting from birth, they begin growing shoulder blade length hair while keeping the front comfortably trimmed. That’s way too cool for me.
Instead, my hairstyle evolved into the conservative business mullet (the bullet?). Yes, nothing makes a statement like, “He appears to be a clean cut guy from the front, but the back make me think he might want to party, but I’m not sure.” I’d say the best cyclist comparison for my hairstyle would be Ekimov, so maybe it would also be classified as a conservative Euro mullet. Regardless of what you call it, it is nice having some extra insulation in the back when your riding in sub zero temps.
In a way, my new haistyle embodies my racing style. Whenever I come to the front of the peloton, I mean business. When I’m in the back, I’m just chillin in the turbulence. I’ve grown out my hair several times in the past, like when I tried to emulate my hero Chuck Norris. Just like my Helgin inferiority, I fell short there too. My hair just curls up too much to match Invasion USA Chuck. Too bad, because I wanted to be able to shoot rockets out of my butt like Delta Force Chuck.
In the end, I always end up buzzing my hair. This is usually a result of failing to meet the objective coupled with the convenience of quick haircuts and no need for a comb. I’ll probably be doing this again as soon as the weather starts to warm and it’s time to get down to business all around.
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